Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
