you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
