alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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