Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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