Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bring me that man meat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
