i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize