The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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