i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
