blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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