Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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