OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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