JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
