I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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