What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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