Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize