She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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