Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
