2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
