I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
