I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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