We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is the high leading the old right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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