ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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