Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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