This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
