I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
