hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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