just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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