Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
