My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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