Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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