I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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