don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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