the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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