Life is so much better after having sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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