I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
