I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
