The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
