You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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