theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?