I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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