If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
