Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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