Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
