Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
