I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
