Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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