Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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