I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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