Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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