I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize