Moan for me like Helen Keller
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
