Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
