i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
