Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
its liver damage thursday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
