Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
