Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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