i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
