It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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