I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
