The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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