I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I believe in your delicious
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
