Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
