I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
