Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
