IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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