ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
